There hasn’t been a discussion post on my blog for a while, and there especially hasn’t been one which is… painful to discuss. I hope this won’t bring out all the trolls of the universe, but… I just have to talk about this.
A GIF of a man, chewing on his fingernails and looking concerned
So today… I want to talk about one quite popular trope, which I, however, try to avoid at all costs. Which makes me a avoid nearly all YA and a lot of fantasy.
That is the enemies to friends trope.
I’m sure you are all familiar with it, and a lot of you adore this trope. I have nothing against it in particular, but… I have EVERYTHING against some of the ways it can be written. I never read it because I try to protect myself from when it’s done the wrong way. Normally, I don’t think about it much, it being something I don’t often read, but I came across this tweet recently and it made me think:
this probably has been said already but uh…hot take: enemies to lovers trope means like, rivals or snappy didn’t really like each other people not people who bullied and tortured and hurt each other until it was revealed one of them did it because they had a crush on the other
— sam groves (@whatanovelty) July 17, 2018
It made me think that that is precisely why I don’t read this trope. I’ve heard a lot of people explain how it’s nice if they’re rivals or even friendly rivals, and I agree! But the risk is just too big for me to not drop a book with enemies to lovers. Just because it could be written in all the wrong ways, and if you’ve been bullied, you might know what I mean.
The thing is, a lot of writers slip on this. And I just don’t want to have to read another case of a girl falling for her bully.
A GIF of a woman staring at the camera baffled with an open mouth
That is insulting to me in ways you can’t even imagine. I’ll try to explain why.
Okay, so this isn’t fun to talk about, but I was bullied quite badly for more than a decade. (This is the moment when I’m afraid my bullies are reading this and will pop up and say I wasn’t bullied and I misundersood everything. SURE.) Anyway… I was bullied in ways that could land you in juvy if you were old enough (I will not talk in any more detail.) The effect this has on me hasn’t gone away. Ten years later, I still have most of the same insecurities, the impostor syndrome among them. In fact, this is probably why I’ll always turn down your compliments or think I didn’t deserve my blog awards, even. Bullying is the reason why I’ve wished I wasn’t born, a lot of times (and still often do.) The very fact that I still often feel like that more than ten years later is what bullying did to me. And it will probably never go away. Even the 70 year old me, even if I live that long, will probably still not be able to forget.
I’m not looking for sympathy here though. I’m just trying to explain to you what bullying does to a person.
Anyway.. What’s even worse is how this relates to the enemies to lovers trope used wrong. See, when I was little… like, 7 or 8… I thought that me being beaten and ridiculed and my things being taken away from me and destroyed meant we are going to become boyfriend and girlfriend. Even if that boy will also have another girlfriend whom he bullies.
ESPECIALLY take in that last bit. EVEN IF they will have ANOTHER girlfriend to bully.
THAT IS WHAT YOUR TROPE DOES.
A GIF of a man waving his hands up towards the statement and saying “THIS”
……..
That, dear authors, is what this trope does to little kids, because it ends up in books, shows and movies. Once I was 12 I was smart enough to realize that maybe I was being gullible and that’s not how life works. But that’s still about 5 years later.
You guys who write stuff like that give little girls these thoughts. SO STOP. RIGHT NOW.
A GIF of a man holding his hands up and saying shut it down
If you’re writing a bully to lover trope? I’m honest to god, recycle bin or fireplace.
A GIF of Moss from IT Crowd, saying ‘Burn it’
Right now. You don’t know what you’re doing to someone else.
And, okay, this is controversial here and I’m expecting someone to say “you should have been less stupid and opened your eyes”, but I was seven, okay? We tend to think fairies are real. So why wouldn’t something you see on TV or read in fairytales be real? It’s set in stone when you’re told that at that age.
A GIF of two children talking, the boy (with a weird 90’s hairdo) is saying “I don’t believe in Santa Claus anymore”, and the girl is saying “What?!” with a strong reaction
The thing that I thought that still haunts me to this day. That I could think that about an abuser. However gullible I was (hint: I grew up to be gullible too.) I still can’t forgive my seven year old self for being THAT STUPID. And that’s part of the problem. It’s really the fault of the wrongly used trope (over and over and over again in the media.) I should know better that a seven year old is not capable of understanding the difference between what you’re told and what reality is. But I can’t continue blaming my own self and feeling ashamed.
Because most people who were bullied still think it’s their fault. That everything is their fault. Because why else would they be bullied, right..?
A GIF of a man woman shrugging in disbelief and shaking her head
So back to the trope.
Yes, write rivals to lovers by all means. Write two warriors in opposing armies or two warlocks defending two different kings or queens falling in love. But never, never, NEVER write love between someone who is bullied and their bully. Never write love between an abuser and the abused. That is not your fun. That is nobody’s fun. That is sick and twisted, and if I read that, that does REAL DAMAGE. To people like me, this might bring suicidal thoughts, self loathing, spells of guilt (and I mean months.)
I hope you are burning that manuscript and signing up for a plot construction class.
A GIF of a woman dropping the mic and walking away
If you enjoyed my post, please take a look at our Family’s Etsy shop! Thank you for your support for our family business ❤️
I’m Evelina and I blog about books that made an impression on me. I love middle grade, women’s, scifi and some literary too.
I love the “recycle the fireplace” – that is fantastic!
Thanks, Susan 🙂
Great discussion Avalinah. I love enemies-to-friends when it is done well. Usually there is some misunderstanding which makes the secondary character less of an enemy and more someone who might have a genuine problem fitting into a setting. You’re so right that women falling for manipulative bullies is never a positive thing.
Thanks Lou 🙂 ah, yes, that’s another way to make that trope work out positively. Thanks for reading!
Thank you so much for sharing this! I had never thought of it that way and I am ever grateful that you opened my eyes to this. I guess part of what I have seen in the enemies to lovers has always seemed “normal”…because as you said, we are told through literature (and adults) that we are being teased because someone likes you. But you’re right. It isn’t healthy. That is something I am starting to realize as I get older and read different pieces of literature and there are some extremely unhealthy relationships that end in “love” out there,… Read more »
Thank you for reading 🙂 yes, there are ways to make this trope okay – like if it’s just rivals becoming lovers, or if it’s built on a misconception, a person thinking they hate someone when they really haven’t done anything bad. But some of the times it’s also built on awful bullying :/ so yes! THAT part should stop.
I’m so glad I could make a difference 🙂 thanks again for reading.
I agree with this. It’s a distinct line. I don’t care much for the trope even with rivals if it gets too nasty. Anne – Books of My Heart
Yeah, I avoid the trope as well! Thanks for reading, Anne 🙂
Excellent post Evelina!! This is just one of the many reasons why I’ve started to avoid YA fantasy. Books like The Cruel Prince are a big no for me. I know you mentioned that you don’t want sympathy but I’m very sorry you went through that and I hope you’ll soon free yourself from those feelings your bullies left.
P.S. I don’t blog hop so much again but wasn’t there a “like” icon before?
Thank you, Taiwo 🙂 oh, that’s a trope in that book? :O noooo… I’m so glad I’ve never even tried reading it. But yes, that’s partly why I don’t read a lot of YA or anything with romance in it. It just upsets me so much.
And thank you! I hope so too, but I think it’ll be a lifelong struggle for me to forgive and forget.
And yes, I’m pretty sure there was a like icon before… I thought there still is xD whoops… I’ll have to see what’s up. It should still be there.
This is an amazing post, Evelina, and you handled it wish such care. There is a fine line here and I have encountered books that seems to (inadvertently) almost glorify Stockholm Syndrome. It isn’t for me and is a huge reason that I steer away from the romance genre. But you are right that it does happen a bit in fantasy, although not as often as you’d think!
“And I just don’t want to have to read another case of a girl falling for her bully.”
^^^ 1000x this!
Thanks Kal 🙂 yeah, a lot of books do, and it’s even worse when it’s YA books because teens can’t always differentiate – they’re got a lot of social stuff on their plate to deal with already. It’s why I don’t read romance too! And also fantasy, in part xD
Thanks for talking about this! I was never subjected to bullying much (I didn’t know many people as a kid!), but I can see how damaging it would be to see those unhealthy attitudes modeled and repeated. Way to own your voice and publish vulnerable, scary things. You’re going to make (are making) a difference in the world this way.
Thanks for reading 🙂 I’m glad you weren’t subjected to that. It remains with you for life :/ were you home schooled? Over here, that’s not an option, so you can’t help being thrown into a huge class of people who will pick on you if you’re small, smart and curly xD heh.
Thank you!
This is such a great post! I know exactly what you mean. When I say I love enemies-to-lovers, I usually mean someone from opposing sides of a battle, no matter what battle it is, but never about bully and bullied. It’s a fine line, that most don’t really think about. I hate it when bullying is used as an excuse to explain a crush.
I’m sorry you were bullied. I know you said no sympathies, but I hate to see one of my friends suffering *hugs*
Thanks Ruby 🙂 and yes, exactly. I think this happens because a) the person writing it has never dealt with it b) the person writing it WAS the bully c) the person writing it was bullied and still buys into the horrible way of thinking. So none of those are good xD
And thank you. Oh well, can’t change the past, I guess 🙂
Im still picking my jaw off the floor from my mom telling me she loved 50 shades of gray. That is so many layers of wrong I could make a cake.
I know right!!!
So …all enemies to lover aren’t bullies to lover! They are often “rivals” to lover or “despise to lovers”. Few are bullies to lover honestly! I don’t classify “bullies” as “enemies to lovers” either. We also have bully and bully. I certainly don’t want to brush under the rug what happened to you and I completely understand this is a major trigger (I would probably react that same way) but in several books the “bullies” never were as drastic as what you are describing. Was it right? No, never. But I also know from childhood that boys like pestering girls… Read more »
Yeah, thankfully! But some people confuse these concepts and it completely sucks. Even one book in a hundred is already damaging enough. Although I think it’s worse when it’s in movies, because it reaches more people. And I think it’s probably more likely to be in movies and shows. The “bad boy” and all that. That’s true that sometimes they do. But not in my case. We’re talking serious shit I don’t want to get into here. But either way, it’s not right to tell girls “he bullies you because he likes you”. Girls should be told, “he bullies you… Read more »
I totally agree with this! Enemies to lovers is one of my favorite tropes, but my blood boils each time an author misinterprets it. In fact, I’m now working on a post about how the Mr. Darcy syndrome is so misinterpreted in retellings. Bully by Penelope Douglas is the best example of someone who took enemies to lovers too far. This is not right. Everyone has become so desensitised to it. And I also blame parents who say, “honey, he’s bullying you because he likes you.” NO! Don’t tell your kids that. That is just not right. Anyway, this is… Read more »
I know right. Oh wow, you’ll have to share that post with me! Now I’m curious. Especially since I haven’t really caught up with your blog in ages during all my travels. I’m glad I haven’t even heard of that book! Not knowing sometime does make life better xD And yes, totally agree. They should tell girls that boys bully them because they’re fools, and the reason why they actually are doing it doesn’t matter, because someone who makes that choice is a fool either way. And it doesn’t make it okay to bully someone if you like them. Thank… Read more »
Avalinah I am so, so, sorry you had to go through this. This is terrible. I can tell how difficult this must have been for you to write and how much it still affects you by the way you keep trying to explain why you believed that abuse=affection–and you know what? You don’t need to explain yourself, because it was not your fault and we know that. Thank you so much for writing this discussion post, because this is a topic that needs to be talked about. I personally hate this trope when it is not done right, when an… Read more »
Thank you 🙂 yes… it was not easy to write at all. Thank you for reading though.
When you’re bullied, they always make you explain yourself. That terrible mindset stays with you for like, I’m afraid! It’s a sad fact of life :/
Haha yes, I also avoid those genres for that reason (although not for that reason alone). Unfortunately, some fantasy (or worse, YA fantasy) tends to have this. But I wouldn’t know for sure cause I don’t read them. Just gathering from what other people have said.
This is very true! There’s a line between enemies to lovers and bullies to lovers. I honestly feel enemies to lovers needs a middle ground before it can go from point A to point B. enemies to grudging allies to friends to lovers is my jam, honestly, but I’ve seen too many ‘enemies’ to lovers that are borderline bullies to lovers, so I understand why you avoid the trope. Keep yourself safe from any potential trigger. And thank you for opening up about your past!
Yes, you’re right, grudging allies to lovers, and then also if they’re on equal footing – that is, the girl isn’t “saved” by the enemy suddenly falling for her or something like that. Good writing doesn’t need cheap tricks!
Thank you for reading 🙂
I completely agree. I love this post. Authors need to be extremely careful to make sure that these tropes include guys (or girls) that are redeemable, and not just flat out villain, bully, and to prevent accidental and unconscious promotion for abusive relationships.
I still love this trope though, just please authors, BE REALLY CAREFUL ABOUT THAT LINE.
Thanks Anne 🙂 yes, it’s not an easy thing to write, but I guess being a writer was never an easy thing, really. Stories can change lives!
First of all, so sorry that you had to go through all this bullying in your childhood. Though I have never gone through bullying, I can still understand what effect it had on you. I love Enemies to lovers trope but the trope which I love is more like “rivals’ to friends. Like they tease each other and always make fun (not bully) of each other. But I loved your discussion. There is certainly a thin line between a bullier and an actual rival. Writers should take care of their readers that how their story can effect the ones who… Read more »
Thanks Sim 🙂 I’m glad to hear you were never bullied. It’s way too common here. Just not normal :/
Yeah, I can agree with rivals to lovers! Because they’re on equal footing – one is not a victim, nor are they ‘saved’ (ugh, I hate the ‘saved’ bit!)
Thanks for reading 🙂
I’m so glad you wrote this post 🙂 I was really badly bullied when I was in school and would constantly get told “it’s because they’re jealous” or “it’s because they actually like you” and I never for one second believed that. If someone actually liked me, they wouldn’t abuse me. I tend to stay away from “enemies to lovers” stories because of being bullied so badly, and even though I know that not every story is abusive, I still won’t touch it because I’m so nervous that it actually will be.
Thank you for reading, I’m glad you found it important 🙂 and yeah, “because they’re [anything]” is just not good enough. They’re bullying someone because they’re idiots. End of story! A person who makes that choice, makes that choice. That’s where it lands them. There is no excuse. “Because they like you” is the absolute worst >.< a lot of women get maimed and killed by their spouses and boyfriends because "they like them". Load of.... you know what. It makes me sad, and it's a direct outcome of this sort of reasoning! I'm glad you never believed it. That's… Read more »
Honestly, even I find that thing super annoying as well as cliche. Like why a fierce enemy would start loving without any strong reasons. Although agreed they say hate is just a form of love but well not everytime. You need to give off it a strong base and storyline. Not just whoop now friends from enemies or lovers from enemies. Like that’s most rubbish done ever.
I know right! It doesn’t make sense to me either. Yes, hate is a step away from love, but I think it mostly goes the other way? Like, if a lover hurts you really bad, you can start hating them. But usually not the other way round! So I totally agree.
Yikes… I guess I haven’t read any bully-to-lover stories, because I can’t believe that even needs to be said. (I mean, if someone wanted to write it as a redemption story, I could see that, but I still wouldn’t want to read it and it should be the exception rather than the rule.) Rivals is good, a “you irritated me when we first met” type of deal, or as someone else said, a misunderstanding… those are all fine when done well. It’s not my favorite trope even on the well written ones and I could see how it’d be difficult… Read more »
Yeah, even as a redemption story it would be bad! I’m not sure I’ve actually read one myself, but I know for a fact those stories exist (fifty shades is basically what it’s based on, I think..?) I just protect myself from these stories so much that I tend to not read them at all xD
Thank you, I’m glad you enjoyed the post 🙂 yes, it wasn’t easy to say all that. But I felt like I needed to. It feels good after you can say stuff like that, you know?
I was bullied in school for many years and still feel the damage that it caused. I read this post several times. Thanks for sharing!
Thanks for reading, Laura, and I’m sad to hear that this happened to you too. So many people say it’s happened to them – you’d think we’re the minoroty, but it’s more like we’re the majority…
[…] I also wanted to share my Instagram photo this week that I’m really proud of. I’m mostly proud of it because it’s got my face in it, and I never felt like I’d be gutsy enough to actually put myself out there! Also, it’s a photo for a post that is really important to me – about how we should not portray bullying in positive light or romanticize the victim/abuser relationship, which is still a popular trope in fiction, as well as the media. Please read the post here! […]
Nicely said, and I just flat out think bullying to lover as a trope shouldn’t happen, period. I mean why romanticize that AT ALL? Ever? Baffles me. And bullying is something that sticks with you no matter how old you are, I think, so your comment there about still feeling the effects resonated with me. I was bullied as a little kid in elemntary school and while I no longer had the problem by high school, it still is with me to this day. I mean you just don’t understand why someone you’ve done nothing to hits you or whatever… Read more »
Yes, exactly. I’m glad to hear you were only bullied in elementary school – I was bullied through my entire school experience, and also kindergarten. That’s like 15 years. And then at one of my jobs too. It’s just… ugh. I don’t know. It shapes a lot of who I am, and not in a good way. I still don’t get why they were so mean to me. “You’re ugly and curly” isn’t reason enough to break someone’s heart over and over again and make their lives miserable. I don’t get people sometimes.
Thanks for reading!!
I totally agree, and I’m sorry you had to go through that. No one should. I’ve often thought- why aren’t over it? It was years ago, I was a little kid, so what? But yeah it sticks with you. And you clearly had it worse so my heart goes out to you. And it’s never your fault, it’s just an effed up world sometimes, but you are a good person so don’t forget that.
I think it’s because our earliest experiences stick with us the most. It’s like… Whatever happened while we were still “fresh” out in the world seems like the truest thing that ever happened, because you didn’t have any filters in your head to deal with the experiences, and you just took them in 100%. Really unfortunate! People with good childhoods deal with later events in life much better because they have solid ground in the past. Bullied people often don’t. Chance, I guess, what can you do.
Thanks, Greg! That’s a really nice thing to say. Means a lot!
Excellent post Ava! I do like to read the Enemies to lovers trope but I absolutely loathe when the enemy is the abuser. I have seen this not only in books but in media as well. Tv Soaps use this as a means to gain TRP, and guess what they always end up gaining what they wished for. The romanticisation of the abuser- abused relationship is wrong on so many levels and that couldn’t have been explained better if it wasn’t for you. In fact, I am so inspired by your post, that I may write a discussion on the… Read more »
Thank you! Oh yeah, the trope in itself is not bad, but when it’s badly written, it’s plain.. ugly. Agh. Thankfully, most aren’t written like that 🙂
Yes, this often happens on TV! I think it’s probably even more harmful, because it reaches way more people that way.
I hope you do write that discussion, and if you do – please share the link with me 🙂
I see what you mean. As I mentioned on your weekly wrap up, I enjoy the enemies-to-lovers trope but definitely not the bullies to lovers. I’ve read some dark romance that is definitely bully/abuser to lover and it doesn’t sit right. However, I think the only YA/NA bully-to-lover I’ve read (fortunately) that is straight up bully-to-lover with no shades of anything is Bully by Penelope Douglas. I know, I know, the title should have given it away, right? But so many people raved about how awesome that book was so I read it and was just like “what in the… Read more »
Thanks for reading! It is always interesting to hear the opinions of people who actually read this trope, because you know more than me. Thankfully, I think the badly written version of this trope isn’t as common. But it still happens. The main problem here for me, it seems, is that people raved about a book like that :/// ugh. I just… can’t understand that. That is the problem with our society. It just seems like some women WANT to be treated like that. All sorts of wrong with this 🙁 And yes, you’re right, after reading a lot of… Read more »
I definitely agree there’s a difference between “snarky rivals” vs “bullying and abusive person declares they love you at the end”. I am going to say a big fat NO to the last one and agree with how horribly inappropriate and damaging it is. I hate the whole “oh he’s mean because he likes you!” (big reason why I’ll never ship Ron and Hermione) because it just paves the way for so much toxic masculinity to rule here?! So while I usually put this on my list of tropes I like…it’s got to be written right! And you’re so so… Read more »
Yes, so SO agreed about Ron and Hermione :/ it’s not like Ron’s an openly mean bully, he just acts like a complete idiot, but he’s always so horrible to Hermione. Geez. Ironic to think that Emma Watson became the women’s spokeperson! And her character married Ron. AGRHTJGJGGJHHHJHHHHH
Awww thank you! And thanks for reading 🙂
[…] Writing Enemies To Lovers and Glorifying Bullying: We Should Stop from Avalinah’s Books- If you haven’t read this, go read it NOW! Avalinah tackles a very serious issue that has unfortunately been persisting in literature and film for many, many years: the glorification/romanticizing of abusive relationships. This is something that always infuriates me whenever I came across it, and we really need to speak up against this more and make people more aware of the impact this has on readers and audience both young and old. […]
Thank you!
Wow, I have honestly never thought about it like this. So sorry you had to go through that. You definitely want to stay away from The Cruel Prince by Holly Black!
Yep, never was going to read it anyway, but now I know even more reasons why 😀 I’m glad I’ve been able to show this perspective to many book bloggers though, cause a lot of them say they’ve never thought about it that way. That was essentially why I wrote the post. I’m glad it worked 🙂
When done right it can be fun. Usually the two trade barbs or snarky comments but you are right I can remember one or two books where the hero was insulting or demeaning and I couldn’t get past it. I am sorry you were bullied. My youngest was and it changed her perspective on things.
Yeah, I can see that kind working out – where it’s just two people misunderstanding each other. Although still probably not my cuppa! But not harmful 🙂 I’m sorry your youngest was bullied too. There way too much bullying in the world :/
[…] Evelina @ Avalinah’s Books discusses the enemies to lover trope, more importantly discussing how NOT to write this trope. […]
[…] @Avalinah’s Books wrote this very important discussion on Why Authors Should Take Extra Care When Writing Enemies to […]
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings on this subject Avalinah. ♥️♥️ Been bullied also and can’t stand it when it occurs. Some just don’t see what is happening as bullying. Because of this we can’t understand what triggers can do to another person. Many books border or nudge the line. Thanks for willing to share. ❤️❤️
Thanks for reading, Dani! Sad to hear you were also bullied. I’m surprised how many of us were!
Mm, that is a very good point! I didn’t even think of that. I guess the people who were fortunate not to be bullied might not know! But that only stresses the importance of sensitivity readers.
Great topic Avalina. You make me realize that enemy to lover trope can go wrong. I don’t like bullying neither bad guy/girl.
I love enemies-to-lover when the enemies more like competitive rival, like Netflix Movies Candy Jar 😀
Thank you! Yes, I agree about competitive rivals, that is a good way to use this trope 🙂
Somehow I wasn’t aware this was a thing. If I were to think of “enemies to lovers,” I would assume there was some sort of misunderstanding. Like in P&P or Anne of Green Gables. Though “enemies” seems too extreme for those stories. I guess I’m thinking more of “not on friendly terms to lovers,” which is quite distinct from the horrendous examples you described!
Yeah, most of the time it is rivals to lovers I think (like in sports or class), but there have been cases where it’s actual bullying. I haven’t read these books, but I have been told by other people who have. Also, think fifty shades – it’s kind of like that :/
Well written Evelina! The enemy-to-friends is a big hit or miss for me, but I believe this bully-to-love would always be big no-no
Thank you 🙂
A very great and needed discussion! I like the enemies to lovers trope, but it can very easily go very wrong depending on how it’s written 🙁 It’s indeed very dangerous what a lot of the media is showing little girls and thereby normalizing toxic relationshops.
Thanks for reading 🙂 yeah, indeed it’s something that’s been exploited by the media in all the wrong ways.
First of all, I’m sorry you were bullied, Evelina. I was abused as a child, and it still affects me to this day, so I totally get it. Second of all, thank you for this post because this needs to be repeated over and over again until it ends. I hate when people act like bullying is not a big deal and just part of growing up. I hate when people tell girls that boys are mean to them and hit them because they like them but can’t express how they feel. Then, these same people criticize women for being… Read more »
And thank you for reading it 🙂 sorry to hear you were bullied too.
Yeah, saying it’s “part of growing up” is so wrong. It’s not part of growing up at all. Ugh.
Oh yes! The Jewish/Nazi thing is THE WORST. And to be honest, I’m surprised it even exists? It seems obvious to me that it’s… ridiculous, horrible and just unacceptable? Some people, honestly :/
The whole bully to lover just seems dumb to me. I don’t read a lot of YA (for other reasons), so i have not come across this happening in any story yet, but i can say for sure that i would drop the book like it was a hot potato. When i was young, around 12-13, i also had this idea that boys who treat my like dirt = boys who like me. I mean, they are at least paying attention, no?? :/ But i wouldn’t want a girl thinking this is ok cuz she read about it in a… Read more »
I am wondering what your reasons are, cause I could make a list of my own reasons for not reading YA 😀
From a lot of comments on that post, I realized that a lot of this problem lies in parents and teachers actually telling girls that if he hits you, he likes you o_o this point of view needs to go!!
HOLY CRAP! This is an amazing post and I applaud you for having the courage to write this! First off I want to say that you can never blame your 7 year old self for thinking those things! There are grown woman that still think that way. Personally I was mentally abused by one of my exes and it took me years to realize that something wasn’t right. The fact that 12 year old you realized that something was wrong is amazing. When I was in middle school there was this boy that would step on the back of my… Read more »
Aw thanks! What an awesome and long comment 🙂 Oh yeah, the gap in the wall trick. I know that one. Did you know that the school I went to actually didn’t have private stalls? They were all open. So you didn’t have to spy, you just had to walk in 😀 I have a lot of health problems now because my school toilets DIDN’T HAVE DOORS. (Post-soviet.. Now they do. Now is a little bit too late for me, though.) But wow, I can’t believe the teacher said that :/ I wonder if she even bothered to tell the… Read more »
Thats awful that they didn’t have doors! Its crazy how much things have changed so I am glad they added doors! I don’t think I could go in a bathroom without doors. The kid would also step on my shoes and pull my hair and knock my books on the floor. I know the teacher told him to stop but he didn’t get into any kind of trouble for it and of course he didn’t really stop, tho he toned it back a bit. He got mad at me for telling on him. When I read P&P I see a… Read more »
Yep, that is precisely what we thought, and so we proceeded to ruin our health and not drink any water for the entire day so we wouldn’t have to go. Now imagine doing that for 12 years. Some of those problems I am still stuck with, thanks to school :/
And of course they always get mad for telling on them! Some people :/
Thanks for reading 🙂
[…] Why Authors Should Take Extra Care When Writing Enemies to Lovers on Avalinah’s Books – a great book discussion not only on a popular trope that can easily go wrong but also on bullying. […]
Thank you!
I admittedly LOVE the enemies to lovers trope. And yes, I think it is really hard to do right because it can be like, they bully someone because they like them?? And that is really messed up. But most of the times I read it they are rude to someone either because they have their own inner problems that need solving and somehow the other person is able to help them through it, or they are actually enemies not because of situation but because they are in competition – sports wise or for a certain job or something (which makes… Read more »
Oh yeah, the rivals theme is much easier to pull of, I feel like 🙂 and it’s one that would be easier to accept for me as wayyyy less problematic. But agreed about the winner part. Wouldn’t have even thought of that!
This was a great post! I have not read many books featuring this trope, but there are a lot of fan-fiction where it is done quite poorly and takes the enjoyment out of reading. I do like when the lovers are annoyed with each other or not necessarily friends in the beginning, but not when it’s bullying.
Thank you, and thank you for reading 🙂 I have also thankfully not read too many books, but it is very common in the media, like films and shows too.
YES! Someone had to say it. In real life most of us wouldn’t even want to look back at our bad days much alone those who caused them. And then there are so many books and movies say that one can fall in love with them? It doesn’t make sense, does it?
I am so sorry that someone caused you pain and that these stuff happened to you.
I know! It doesn’t make sense at all. And well, it’s in the past now, so it’s alright 🙂 I just have to talk about it – cause maybe it will prevent someone else from being bullied. Or at least make someone think about it.
Thanks for sharing how important this topic is to you and how it has affected you personally. I totally agree with you, though I hadn’t thought of it in these exact terms. I’ve always hated when you have the enemies to lovers trope and the guy starts out the book being an actual jerk. I’ve said this often in reviews. If the guy is a jerk (probably what you would term a bully) at the beginning of the book, there is very little chance you’re going to get me to want the girl with him in the end. I have… Read more »
Thanks for reading, Nicole 🙂 and yes, exactly. The girl isn’t there to “reform” the jerk. That’s not why women are alive! That’s a whole ‘nother problem with these books, as well, and I haven’t even thought of mentioning it. Very good point!
Excellent points made. I read a lot of romance and enemies to lovers is a common trope with hate to love being such a popular trope all around and I mean, I’ve seen it done wrong. I do think in YA it has to be approached very carefully but I think in all genres it can be written badly. I mean, I’ve read really messed up hate to love where there’s torture and it’s definitely a suspension of disbelief to have them get together. Given your past experience with bullying it’s fair to avoid them, no one has time for… Read more »
Oh man, that sounds awful – I’m glad I didn’t stumble upon such books. They would have messed me up!
yess!! this is a great post ava!
and i agree with it so much, its one of the reasons i dropped Shatter Me series after the first book because i thankfull i asked a friend to look into who she ends up with and low and behold (for a long time at least, im not sure how the new release effects this part of the plot) shes with the guy who tortures her, forces her into provocative clothing so he can *enjoy* her through sight simpy because he can’t touch her or he’ll die. EW STOP
Thank you! 🙂 yeah, that sounds like a reaaaaaally bad one. I can’t believe people are reading that, and especially teens -.-
[…] Evelina @ Avalinah’s Books tells us Why Authors Should Take Extra Care When Writing Enemies To Lovers (And Why She Avoids That Trope At … […]
[…] https://avalinahsbooks.space/discussion-enemies-to-lovers/ […]
Oh my god I never thought of this trope in that way. Thankfully I have been fortunate enough to not come across any book with a bully turning into a love interest but I’m really sorry fir what this did to you. I get it, I was bullied too but mine was kinda minor and by a girl so maybe that’s why I didn’t particularly think of the trope from this angle. But I’ll definitely help spread the word about it! Love you ❤️
Oh, I got bullied by groups of people, and it’s terrifying. I’m glad that never happened to you.
Thank you, and thank you for reading 🙂 <3
[…] Evelina @ Avalinah Books […]
Thank you so much!
Lol I’m way late to this party but this is exactly how I feel about a few YA cases. For example, Holly Black’s Folk of the Air series. I like the series as a whole for its power dynamics and character development but I cringe whenever I see people shipping the two main characters. Their relationship isn’t healthy and isn’t a good model for young readers. I’d love to imagine Black knows this and is going somewhere with it in the final book, but regardless of intent, many people I follow still ship them. Going from enemies to lovers is… Read more »
It’s a good thing I don’t read fantasy, so I was never planning to read that series – but I’ve heard about it. Oh well, I guess despite all good sense, people will just sometimes write these relationships :/ it’s sad that so many people ship them though! 🙁
it’s fiction, you realize? It’s not our responsibility to watch out for all the 7-year-olds reading romance books or watching romance movies. I mean, fuck, I read enemies to lovers solely because I was bullied! Ever heard of a coping mechinism? The same goes for me – gasp – writing enemies to lovers. So yeah, just because you happen to have this weird idea that people can’t actually tell the difference between fiction and reality and that it’s our job as fiction writers to teach that (irony, amirite? /s) doesn’t mean we all have to. I will not throw out… Read more »
Cool story, thanks for sharing.