This is going to be a quite different, emotional and possibly not very positive post, but I feel like it’s something I want to talk about. So this is your chance to back out! Heh. Also, you might be a little surprised that you’re not seeing a #NewBloggers 101 post on a Friday, but I’ve decided there needs to be a little change every now and then. Don’t worry, #NewBloggers will return next week!
Anyway, more about what we’ve got here today… Book blogging is mostly a positive activity, one we enjoy a lot, even if we have to really work for it. But don’t we have our book blogger fears? I wonder if yours are the same as mine? That’s why I’m sharing mine, and if you want to, you can share yours in the comments. They say, it’s better after you talk about it. Right? And we’re all in the same boat.
The Fear Of Losing The Love
This is obviously not going to be the same for everyone, because we’re at different spots as bloggers in each of our journeys. Some of you might be beginner bloggers, so you don’t actually ‘quite have’ The Love yet, but you might be gaining it. Some of you are long time bloggers who had The Love, maybe lost it, and then got it back again. I am neither of those – I am in the middle. But that means I’ve already had some love. And I’m afraid to lose it. But what the hell am I even talking about, huh?
Well, basically… You all know that I have a few communities that I built, and while they may be settling down a little, we still know that we all like each other immensely, and those communities are definitely built on positive emotions. In the end, I really, TRULY love hanging out with you. I love cross posting, guest posting, chatting on Twitter. I love it so much when some of you say “this is one of my favorite bloggers” or “I read every post of yours”. I save those screenshots of when you say that – for a sad day (no kidding, I’ve got a folder for that.)
So what I’m afraid is… That you will stop liking me. That my posts will become boring and won’t attract attention (actually, it’s slowly happening because the #NewBloggers is ending and now it will all be slightly different). I imagine scenarios where some of my favorite people won’t feel compelled to read every post of mine. And it’s not in the numbers! It’s about specific people that I know and don’t forget to tag when I’m catching up or doing Follow Fridays or something. It’s inevitable to lose SOME love, but… I feel afraid to lose your friendship. Because it truly means a lot in my life.
The Fear of Running Out of Ideas
I’m sure you can relate. A lot of you have probably had this fear already! And I know you can always post reviews when you’re out of ideas, but that brings me to the above point – you know that not a lot of readers love reading review posts only. And we’re back to losing the love 😀
The Fear of Running Out of Energy to Blog
…Energy or time. We all know blogging is basically an unpaid job, and although it pays in emotion and books, you’re still never sure if you’ll have the energy and time for it in the long run. What if I start posting once a week and you all forget about me..? What if I don’t have time to blog hop (already happening) and reply comments (already happening!!!) What if you all think that’s cause I don’t love you???
The Fear of Losing my Hosting or the Blog Blinking Out
That’s something I never stop struggling with, especially since it’s recently happened to a close friend of mine, Jackie @ Death by Tsundoku. And it really doesn’t matter which platform, hosting service or setup you’re using – it can happen to everyone. Even free WordPress gets disabled for the stupidest reasons sometimes (I know a blogger who lost her WP blog “because she was posting links to Goodreads and Amazon, and a free blog is not supposed to be commercial”. Which is kind of killing the whole point of book blogging…?) Anyway, not to scare you, but it can happen, and I often worry about it. Do you?
The Fear of Being Hated, Judged or Blocked
I know some bloggers do get harrassed quite a lot. Thankfully, despite being someone who mingles quite a lot, I haven’t had such awful treatment as some people I know – I’ve been lucky. But I have had a few odd run-ins. Someone misreading my words and calling me out for feeling bad about the whole international bloggers thing cause I don’t know what real problems are (without giving away too much cause I don’t want to say who it was). At least they didn’t tag me to shame me, but it’s someone you all talk to and appreciate. Someone who’s never replied my comments or tweets (even before the misreading bit), and I just don’t get how other people think that person is so nice. They’ve never been nice or friendly to me. And I keep wondering, is there a reason I’m labelled as such in their eyes..? What did I do? Or is because of something I AM?
Another time was when I was blocked on Twitter. I still don’t get why. It didn’t follow any encounter, it seems – those who know me should be able to say I’m the last person to start a fight. (Apart from the whole Internationals business and my open letter to NetGalley! But I think we were all angry at NetGalley then, weren’t we? And it’s not like it wasn’t justified. Also, it was public.) So I’ve been torn between “it was probably a misclick” and “they absolutely hate me for some reason I can’t figure out” for over a half a year. Ugh. The nastiest feeling! (Follow up: I asked them why. They said I was rude and insulting commenting on their blog. I am even more baffled. Doesn’t sound like me..? I apologized anyway. The oddest thing ever. Maybe I sleepwalked onto a keyboard or something…)
Has anything like that ever happened to you?
Fear of Misspeaking
Now, as someone who lives in a post-Soviet, historically all white (and not even English speaking) country, I encounter this problem all the time. The #diversity movement, which I love and am on the side of, can be, however, quite tough to manouver. Especially from where I was born and raised. And even more especially so, because if people see you’re white, they immediately assume you’re the same as American white, regardless of your origins and culture and the fact that actually you’re a different kind of minority too. For example, where I live, we just.. historically don’t have black people. Or Latino people. Like, at all. Different part of the world! They never came here. So it’s very hard to talk about stuff you’ve never seen or encountered. I’m always afraid I will blunder! And blunder is not taken lightly online these days – no matter what your situation. No matter that you’ve grown up in a poorer country than a lot of those minorities in America – everything is thought of only through the prism of the ‘American white’. So a lot of the time I worry about what I should say or shouldn’t say. When at the end of the day, I’m a person who just wants everyone to be equal, loved and understood.
I think all of us feel the fear of not being accepted, not being understood. Which is why I’m glad I know I’ve got most of you as friends, some of you – as close friends, even. That some of you will always personally message me and tell me not to be stupid, or that things are okay. And that even if my blog dies (god forbid..) I still am 99% sure you won’t just forget me in a blink, I’ll be able to reach you on social media and maybe start things up again, if I wanted to. Please tell me that’s really the way it is? Because you should know I’ll be there for you!
Have you ever felt these? Or do you have any of your own? Share with me!
I’m Evelina and I try to blog about books that matter, with a bit of fun there too! Disability and equality will be topics you see a lot, but there’s also a lot of scifi, fantasy and… GIFs. I’m also the proud founder of #ARCsAnonymous.